I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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