I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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