i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
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