To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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