What a fucking waste of an outfit
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
