whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
