He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
