I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Pants are for mortals
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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