i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
