My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
