I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
