She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
