i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
