I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
