census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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