I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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