We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
