Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
