Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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