I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
