..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
