I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
