I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
