hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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