Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
