It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
