Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
