I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize