I wish I only lived at night.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
