Can i not drive my cunt home
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
