My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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