the condom got lost in my hair
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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