He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize