My hand turned me down
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
