if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
