I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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