ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
