i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
