I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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