Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
