did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
