420 ftw
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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