I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
