I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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