Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize