it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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