You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
