so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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