I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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