Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
