Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
