I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
