She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
