I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize