Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
