She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
