Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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