Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize