Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My bed smells like the plague
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
