No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
