Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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