We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
