White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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