after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
