I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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