True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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