I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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