Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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