Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
