i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
