I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
