One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
