Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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