She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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