I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My pussy is not your playground.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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