So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
