come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
