I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
