porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
