I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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